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 Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:12:02
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #2 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK GENEROSITY
Be uncooperative, selfish, or arrogant.
Today:
- Did I feel entitled to better treatment than I deserved?
- Did I exploit, con or manipulate others?
- Was I arrogant (feeling superior)?
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:18:10
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #3 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK FORGIVENESS
Bear grudges, mistrust others, or feel victimized.
Today:
- Did I bear a grudge, not forgive someone’s mistake, or seek revenge?
- Did I mistrust people or was I overly suspicious?
- Did I feel exploited or abused by someone, or feel very envious or jealous?
For Example:
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
Confucius (551 B.C.E. – 479 B.C.E.).
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:23:43
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #4 FOR A WORSE LIFE: DON'T LEAD
Be submissive, flee conflict, or fear abandonment.
Today:
- Did I act as a follower (submissively following the leadership of others)?
- Did I flee conflict with others because I couldn't handle it?
- Did I fear being briefly alone or separated from my loved ones?
For Example:
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:33:55
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #5 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK CAUTION
Live just for today; be impulsive, reckless, or promiscuous.
Today:
- Was I too impulsive or reckless?
- Did I have casual sex (or have an intense desire for illicit sex)?
- Was I overly attention-seeking or dramatic?
For Example:
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:44:51
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #6 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK ORDER
Go from crisis to crisis; lack stability, purpose and beauty in your life.
Today:- Did I have unstable and unpredictable emotional outbursts of anger or crying?
- Was my social life unstable and stormy (going from crisis to crisis)?
- Did I lack realistic, long-term goals, or lack meaning and purpose to my life?
For Example:
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 22:59:23
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #7 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK MODERATION
Show little self-restraint; be excessive; lack balance between work-love-play; be stubborn; or live beyond your means.
Today:
- Did I lack self-restraint over excesses?
- Did I lack a proper balance between work, love and play?
- Was I unable to compromise or to see any merit in an opponent’s viewpoint?
- Did I live beyond my means?
For Example:
"In a country well governed poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed wealth is something to be ashamed of."
Confucius (551 B.C.E. – 479 B.C.E.).
Here are pictures of the home of The President of Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe. While his people starve, Mugabe lives like a king in this palace.
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 23:08:36
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #8 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK COURAGE
Lack self-confidence; be pessimistic; or don't be socially out-going.
Today:
- Did I lack self-confidence or not act decisively?
- Was I pessimistic or defeatist (expecting to fail)?
- Did I give up too quickly when facing adversity?
For Example:
"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
Confucius (551 B.C.E. – 479 B.C.E.).
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 23:14:02
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #9 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK JUSTICE
Be disrespectful, irresponsible or dishonest.
Today:
- Did I treat others with disrespect or make them feel unappreciated?
- Was I untrustworthy; did I ignore correction; did I lack remorse or guilt; or did I not make amends that were warranted?
- Was I dishonest; did I lie, cheat or steal?
For Example:
Bernie Madoff swindled $65 billion from friends and private investors.
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Posted - 12/12/2009 : 23:21:33
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SELF-DEFEATING RULE #10 FOR A WORSE LIFE: LACK WISDOM
Repeat past mistakes; hide your own ignorance; or question nothing.
Today:
- Did I repeat my mistakes?
- Did I hide my ignorance?
- Did I question nothing?
For Example:
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Posted - 12/13/2009 : 11:59:57
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Bernie Madoff, A Sociopath, Swindled $65 Billion
SOCIOPATHS AND THE "10 SELF-DEFEATING RULES FOR LIVING A WORSE LIFE
Previously we explored how severe sociopaths would score on our "10 Golden Rules For Living A Better Life". Now let us see how they would score on the opposite scale, the "10 Self-Defeating Rules For A Worse Life".
How Would A Sociopath Score On The "10 Self-Defeating Rules For A Worse Life"?
- Lack Kindness.
Be cold, uncaring or distant.
(Sociopaths are incapable of love and empathy.)
- Lack Cooperation.
Be uncooperative, selfish, or arrogant.
(Sociopaths are selfish, manipulative and arrogant.)
- Lack Forgiveness.
Bear grudges, mistrust others, or feel victimized.
(Sociopaths lack forgiveness, trust, and gratitude.)
- Don't Lead.
Be submissive, flee conflict, and fear abandonment.
(Sociopaths lust after power and rebel against authority.)
- Lack Planning.
Live just for today; be impulsive, reckless, or promiscuous.
(Sociopaths usually live only for today and don't see the future consequences of their actions.)
- Lack Order.
Go from crisis to crisis; lack stability, purpose and beauty in your life.
(Sociopaths may have stability and purpose, but ultimately they cause chaos and destruction.)
- Lack Moderation.
Show little self-restraint; be excessive; lack balance between work-love-play; be stubborn; or live beyond your means.
(Sociopaths are attracted to a life of excess; seldom compromise; and live beyond their means.)
- Lack Courage.
Lack self-confidence; be pessimistic; or give up quickly when facing adversity.
(Sociopaths often are over-confident.)
- Lack Justice.
Be disrespectful, irresponsible or dishonest.
(Sociopaths are very unethical.)
- Lack Wisdom.
Repeat past mistakes; hide your own ignorance; or question nothing.
(Sociopaths fail to learn from their mistakes; hence keep breaking the same laws.)
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Posted - 12/14/2009 : 23:10:03
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WHERE DID THESE RULES FOR LIVING A WORSE LIFE COME FROM?
Psychiatrists have observed that certain personality traits are very maladaptive. Individuals having these maladaptive personality traits usually do very poorly in work, love, and play.
These maladaptive personality traits often cluster together into 9 common personality disorders. Often an individual has a mixture of personality disorders.
Each of our "rules" for living a worse life actually represents a separate personality disorder.
10 Self-Defeating Rules For Living A Worse Life
- Lack Kindness. (Schizoid Personality)
Be cold, uncaring or distant.
- Lack Cooperation. (Narcissistic Personality)
Be uncooperative, selfish, or arrogant.
- Lack Forgiveness. (Paranoid Personality)
Bear grudges, mistrust others, or feel victimized.
- Don't Lead. (Dependent Personality)
Be submissive, flee conflict, or fear abandonment.
- Lack Planning. (Histrionic Personality)
Live just for today; be impulsive, reckless, or promiscuous.
- Lack Order. (Emotionally Unstable/Borderline Personality)
Go from crisis to crisis; lack stability, purpose and beauty in your life.
- Lack Moderation. (Either Addiction or Obsessive-Compulsive Personality)
Show little self-restraint; be excessive; lack balance between work-love-play; be stubborn.
- Lack Courage. (Avoidant Personality)
Lack self-confidence; be pessimistic; give up quickly when facing adversity.
- Lack Justice. (Antisocial Personality)
Be disrespectful, irresponsible or dishonest.
- Lack Wisdom. (Common to all personality disorders)
Repeat past mistakes; hide your own ignorance; or question nothing. |
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Posted - 12/14/2009 : 23:41:38
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MONITORING THE "10 GOLDEN RULES"
There is something you can do every night just before you go to sleep.
You could rate yourself on the "Social Behavior Checklist" (top link) or on the more detailed "Social Quality of Life Scale" (bottom link).
These questionnaires measure all of the behaviors included in the "10 Golden Rules".
Rating your social behavior every night using either of these questionnaires will help you identify your problematic social behavior.
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Posted - 12/19/2009 : 11:10:22
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BENJAMIN FRANKLIN MADE A LIST OF THE MOST IMPORTANT RULES FOR LIVING A BETTER LIFE
Benjamin Franklin's "Plan"
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) was a great American scientist, politician, and diplomat. He was one of the creators of the U.S. Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.
Few know that Benjamin Franklin also invented a "Plan" for directing and monitoring his life. This "Plan" was so effective, that he used it daily from age 20 until the end of his life. This "Plan" obviously proved successful, since Benjamin Franklin is one of the most respected and accomplished men in the history of the United States.
Unfortunately, after his death, public knowledge of his "Plan" seemed to be lost. However, recently his "Plan" has once again received public attention.
The "Plan" Monitored Daily Positive Thoughts And Behavior
Benjamin Franklin's "Plan" was made up of 13 virtues, each with short descriptions:
- Temperance: "Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation."
- Silence: "Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation."
- Order: "Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time."
- Resolution: "Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve."
- Frugality: "Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing."
- Industry: "Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions."
- Sincerity: "Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly."
- Justice: "Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty."
- Moderation: "Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."
- Cleanliness: "Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation."
- Chastity: "Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."
- Tranquility: "Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."
- Humility: "Imitate Jesus and Socrates."
Benjamin Franklin made weekly charts in which he monitored his daily behavior on each of these 13 virtues. Each week, he would pay special attention to a different virtue on his list.
Throughout his life, Benjamin Franklin used this "Plan" to direct his life towards virtuous behavior, and to monitor his progress in this regard.
Modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
It is striking how many similarities there are between Benjamin Franklin's "Plan" and modern cognitive behavioral therapy.
Modern cognitive behavioral therapy also stresses the importance of positive thoughts and behaviors. Cognitive behavioral therapy also emphasizes the need to keep charts which monitor one's daily progress towards attaining specific goals.
You will immediately notice that many of my "10 Golden Rules For Living A Better Life" are similar to the "virtues" Benjamin Franklin monitored in 1726.
Phil Long M.D.
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Posted - 12/20/2009 : 16:28:24
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THE EVOLUTION OF THE "10 GOLDEN RULES FOR LIVING A BETTER LIFE"
The Ancient Greek "Golden Rules For Living A Better Life"
Many our "Golden Rules For Living A Better Life" trace their origin back 2,500 years ago to Ancient Greece.
The Ancient Greek civilization believed in 5 paramount rules for living a better life:
- ORDER
Fight chaos. Live a life of stability, purpose, and beauty.
- MODERATION
Avoid excesses; keep work-love-play in balance; compromise; live within your means.
- COURAGE
Be self-confident, have hope and persevere against adversity.
- JUSTICE
Be respectful, responsible and honest. Treat others the way you want others to treat you.
- WISDOM
Learn from your mistakes, admit when you are ignorant, keep questioning.
Fatal Flaws In The Ancient Greek Culture
There were fatal flaws in Ancient Greek culture.
The Ancient Greeks lived in city states that constantly warred with their neighboring Greek city states. Each city state was tightly controlled by its wealthy ruling class. The leaders of each city state demanded blind obedience to their (often tyrannical) rule.
Much of the work done in Ancient Greece was done by slaves and serfs (peasant farmers virtually owned by their landlord). Thus the ruling elite of Ancient Greece didn't believe in brotherhood or equality. They believed that slaves and serfs were the property of their rich owners.
Thus, 2500 years ago, the Ancient Greeks believed in a world where everyone did as they were told by their fathers and city leaders. When one Ancient Greek city conquered a rival city; there usually was no forgiveness (e.g., after the Greeks defeated Troy, they killed everyone).
Thus brotherly love, charity, forgiveness, and individuality were simply not part of Ancient Greek culture. Instead, slavery, economic exploitation, revenge, and blind obedience ruled the day. In this regard, the Ancient Greeks were no different from any other ancient Mediterranean civilization.
Each Ancient Greek city state was intensely jealous of its rival city states. Thus these city states would seldom band together to fight a common foe. The Romans exploited this weakness when they invaded Ancient Greece.
The Romans focused all their forces on conquering one Greek city at a time. The Romans finally conquered all of Ancient Greece and marveled at the stupidity of the Greek cities in not cooperating with each other to fight a common foe.
Christian/Islamic "Golden Rules For Living A Better Life"
Hundreds of years after the Roman conquest of Ancient Greece, Christianity and Islam made their first appearance. Both of these new Mediterranean religions stressed the importance of the Ancient Greek virtues, namely:
- ORDER
- MODERATION
- COURAGE
- JUSTICE
- WISDOM
However, these new religions stressed the importance of 5 additional rules which they believed were essential for living a better life, namely:
- KINDNESS
Be kind, understanding and friendly.
- COOPERATION
Be cooperative, generous and humble.
- FORGIVENESS
Show forgiveness, trust, and gratitude.
- LEADERSHIP
Show moral leadership, peacemaking, and independence.
- PLANNING
Plan ahead; show caution; don't be impulsive, reckless or promiscuous. These new religions revolutionized the ancient world by stressing the importance of brotherly love, sharing, forgiveness, moral leadership, and avoidance of temptation.
Emperors used Christianity or Islam to pacify their empires (by promoting the new religious emphasis on brotherly love, sharing, and forgiving). These new religions allowed previously warring rivals to work together for the benefit of the new empires that formed.
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Posted - 01/17/2010 : 00:22:12
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WHY DO SOME RELIGIOUS LEADERS NOT PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULES?
Research is showing that kindness, generosity, forgiveness, moral leadership, caution, order, moderation, courage, justice, and wisdom are essential social skills. Individuals who practice these "golden rules" do very well in life, and those breaking these "golden rules" do poorly.
Thus you would expect that our religious leaders would promote these "golden rules" in their religious teachings.
The tragedy is that some very prominent religious leaders teach the very opposite. For example, consider the public statements of Pat Robertson.
Pat Robertson is a Southern Baptist ordained minister. He unsuccessfully campaigned to become the Republican Party's nominee in the 1988 presidential election. As a result of his seeking political office, he no longer serves in an official role for any church. He is the host of The 700 Club, a Christian TV program airing on channels throughout the United States and on CBN affiliates worldwide. His media and financial resources make him a recognized, influential, and controversial public voice for conservative Christianity in the United States.
As proof that some religious leaders "just don't get it"; I would like you to assess what Pat Robertson said on television:
- Lack of Forgiveness:
Pat Robertson recently implied that God lacked forgiveness, by stating that God caused the recent Haitian earthquake to punish Haitians for something they did 10 generations ago.
In a Jan. 13 appearance on The 700 Club, Pat Robertson implied that the earthquake in Haiti was divine retribution for Haitian voodoo doctors enlisting the help of Satan to free their country from the French some 200 years ago.
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953804,00.html
- Lack of Justice:
In 2005, Pat Robertson Robertson urged a state-sponsored assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it ... [The U.S. has] the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability."
Pat Robertson apparently forgot the part of the Ten Commandments that states "Thou Shall Not Kill".
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953859,00.html
- Lack of Kindness:
In 2006, Pat Robertson reacted to the stroke that debilitated Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon by saying that Sharon's stroke could be ascribed to his policy of "dividing God's land" by ceding Gaza to the Palestinians.
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953766,00.html
- Lack of Wisdom:
Just two days after the 9/11 attacks in 2001, Pat Robertson interviewed Rev. Jerry Falwell on his show to discuss the cause of the tragedy.
Rev. Jerry Falwell saw 9/11 as God's punishment for the sins of certain guilty parties. Falwell's list of guilty parties included "the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle," not to mention the ACLU and People for the American Way for good measure. Robertson's response to Falwell's rant was: "I totally concur."
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953796,00.html
In 2005, Pat Robertson, and some other religious leaders, blamed Hurricane Katrina on the issue of abortion in John Roberts' Supreme Court nomination
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953771,00.html
In 1992, Pat Robertson sent a letter to supporters to donate money to the Stop ERA organization, Robertson claimed that the feminist movement was "a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Pat Robertson has repeatedly said that "Islam is not a religion". In the wake of the Fort Hood shootings, Robertson declared on The 700 Club that Islam was actually "a political system bent on world domination."
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953769,00.html
In 2007, Pat Robertson said something that was totally attention-seeking and alarmist.
He said that God had told him terrorists would attack the U.S. in the latter half of the year. "There's a possibility that — not a possibility, a definite certainty that chaos is going to rule," he said on The 700 Club's Jan. 2 broadcast.
It wouldn't necessarily be a nuclear attack: "The Lord didn't say nuclear," Robertson noted, yet the "mass killing" could affect multiple cities, and millions of people might die. By year's end, however, this mass killing failed to occur. (So much for Pat Robertson's gift of prophecy.)
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1953778_1953776_1953764,00.html
Why Do We Need The "10 Golden Rules"?
What do you think of a religious leader:
- Who believes that God would seek revenge on Haiti and destroy it with an earthquake?
- Who believes that political assassination is moral?
- Who believes that God causes politicians to have strokes if they anger Him?
- Who believes that God caused 9/11 as a punishment for America tolerating "pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians"?
- Who believes that God sent Hurricane Katrina as a punishment for America tolerating abortion?
- Who believes that the feminist movement is "a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians"?
- Who believes that God speaks directly to him, and told him that it was an absolute certainty that "millions would die" in a 2007 terrorist attack? [/*]
The Christian faith that I was raised in taught love, peace, justice, humility, tolerance, and community service. The Christianity of my youth emphasized that we must give and forgive; that we all are equal and responsible for each other. Most importantly, my Christian church taught that we must love our enemies.
That is why I am becoming alarmed at how some religious leaders are trying to make Christianity into a religion of fear, hatred, and intolerance.
If we believe in love, brotherhood, and peace, we must do everything we can to oppose those who teach hatred, intolerance, and paranoia.
That is why I so firmly believe in practicing the "10 Golden Rules" in our lives.
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10 Golden Rules For A Better Life (Lecture)
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