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XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 653
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 Posted - 09/24/2011 : 01:09:50
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Many people know that hose of us who suffer from mental illnesses are often highly
creative people. Some of us paint, take photographs, write songs, sculpt, work in
gardens, and so on. Myself, I am a songwriter. I have a home studio and most of
my work is available online at the site listed in my profile. I write, arrange,
record and produce my own work and have for some years now.
For me, it is one of the most therapeutic things I do. Sure, there are times when it's
hard to write, and there are times when I just don't feel like it. It cycles as my mood
does, but I always come back to it as a form of therapy.
What I do will likely never be as important to anyone else as it is to me, and for those
of us who create, no matter the medium, you know what I mean without my having to explain.
But I will tell you now that were I not able to do what I do, I am fairly certain my
level of sanity (such as we define it) would most likely not be what it is. It has
saved me more than once.
That outlet is where my love and my hate go. It is where my anger and frustration live;
it is the one thing in all my life that has never, ever let me down.
Do any of you have a similar story? If so, share it and know you're not alone.
- Eric
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| jodartha
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4755 Posts
Gratitude: 3874
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Posted - 09/25/2011 : 21:20:26
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Hi Xaoslord
I am just starting to catch up with you and your words. I like them. They make me think.
There was a time when I didn't feel as slighted and ruined as I do now. I wrote poetry and it mattered to me much more than sharing it. In fact, I think I have shared my writing with less than 10 people my entire life. I always felt others would use it against me. Or find it too serious. Or just call me uncreative. It brings me back to my childhood.
If this bores you too much, just skip to the end...:-)
Anyway, you remind me that I USE to be more creative. That I valued that artistic side of myself. NOW I focus on making a living, giving to others, and hiding the discomfort that I live in. You are kinda of new here so you don't know me, but you are catching me on the tale end of a severe depression that was over two years. Most of it brought on by broken dreams and now the onset of middle age. I missed the good part of life in my eyes. BUT I am trying to survive.
You have a little hope in you. I can sense that. It is most beautiful.Thank you for coming to MT...I see you as a most welcome addition.
BE WELL...and come visit in my blog sometime if you wish.
Most sincerely
JODARTHA |
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| XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 653
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Posted - 09/25/2011 : 23:46:52
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Jodartha, I don't in a lot of ways, know quite what to
say. Personally, I believe we're entitled, just like anyone else, to say
and think what we wish and to blazes with anyone who doesn't like that.
Too often, we're told that our lives are miserable because we CHOOSE to let
them become that way. I disagree, for the obvious reasons. We don't
always have control over what we say and do. That happens.
But I don't think it should ever be a reason for us to stop indulging
ourselves in the things we like, provided we aren't hurting ourselves
or someone else in the doing.
It's all well and good to do things for others, but when you lose yourself
in the bargain, it's unhealthy, as I am sure you well know by now.
But what that means is that there's a time when you have to be incredibly
selfish (by the standards of those who will now be ever so deprived of
whatever it is they hope to gain from you), grab the bull by the horns,
and go do something for YOU. No one else. Just YOU. And if you've had
a lifetime of doing for others first, that's going to seem a little alien
and you'll likely catch a lot of flack from other people, because they
will not in any way comprehend this new behaviour from their meal ticket.
You have to call a halt, though, and regain what you gave away.
By that, I mean the little bits of you that disappear every day without
you even knowing it, every single time you subjugate yourself to someone
else's will. I've been in abusive relationships and will never allow that
sort of nonsense again.
Believe me when I tell you that the hardest lesson I have ever learned
was that it's okay for me to be me, that I do deserve to have good things
in my life, too, and that I don't ever have to give up who I am to anyone
or for any reason. I had to learn that it was okay for me to make choices
and decisions on my own, no matter how incredibly difficult they may be
for me sometimes.
When trying to decide how to live, don't ask how; instead, proceed to
do so. Trust your judgment. You will make mistakes, yes, but forgive
yourself and move on. You can do this. Write again. Do the things
that make you you, and I promise you will never be sorry. |
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5268 Posts
Gratitude: 3307
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Posted - 09/27/2011 : 18:01:29
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XaosLord what a great topic to discuss! Music has been my saving grace so many times in my life that I have lost count long ago. I play guitar. I compose my own songs as well as play commercial ones. I have only ever let one other person listen to my songs for fear of rejection. I can hear people say to themselves "who does she think she is, some kind of rockstar?" I don't play very much in front of people either. I can't risk any kind of ridicule. I have only been playing for 2 1/2 years. It gives me a sense of freedom though to play what I want to play and a sense of creativity. When I'm feeling like a piece of crap and am just so depressed the music seems to take me to a whole other world away from all the madness that persists in my daily life. It is my escape my freedom if you will. I used to drink heavily to escape life in general but having given that up because of the grief it caused everyone around me. It took me 25 years to realize this though. My music and my guitars are my saving grace and keep me somewhat sane in an insane world.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 653
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Posted - 09/27/2011 : 19:46:05
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Diesel, thanks for your words! Wonderful insight...I can see already some of us are
going to become fast friends and I hope I can include you in that group. So much
wisdom and so many to learn from here. I don't really have that much to contribute
other than what I do, which is to create music. Here's something I've learned that
really helps me keep things in perspective:
An artist paints on a canvas...but a musician paints on SILENCE.
I've been playing since I was 9 and took up other instruments along the way. I always
wanted to write and arrange my own stuff. It's thereapeutic for me and helps me focus
a little better in other areas of day to day stuff. I never wanted fame and fortune;
that was never part of my dream. What I did want was for one person - just one - to
say to me that they didn't think anyone else in th world felt like they did or even
would try to understand and that in some small way, something I'd written might have
helped them somehow.
I guess that is why I am so adamant that music as therapy works, because I know what it
has done to help me, and now I wish to bring it to others of a like mind or those who
might be curious to know if it really works or not.
Thanks again for your commentary - I think you're going to be a very welcome addition
with lots of wisdom and experience to impart!
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5268 Posts
Gratitude: 3307
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Posted - 09/27/2011 : 21:21:25
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Xaos what kind of guitar is that in your avatar?
What kind of music do your prefer if you have any preferance at all?
I'm just recently getting into the theory end of playing guitar and that in itself keeps me very busy. I never get bored as it is a journey that will keep me busy and somewhat happy for the rest of my days on this planet! The guitar is complicated when it comes to the theory part! I never picked it up with the intent of fame or fortune either. It just helps me to express feelings that are pent up in me. It's such a release!
BTW Xaos can you write out some of your lyrics for me! I would love to see what your lyrical style is! That's if you want to!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 653
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 20:32:16
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Diesel, the guitar I was using in my avatar is a 2008 Ibanez RG420EG
(BRD); it is one of a set of 6 made by the company that year which
featured unique body carvings. I have the Brick version. The body has
a brick pattern carved into it and is finished in a copper matte finish.
If you're up for the technical specs, it has a Wizard 2 neck with
sharktooth inlays, an Ibanez V8 pickup in the bridge and a V7 in the
neck position. The bridge is a double locking Edge III vibrato system
and the pickups are coil split by a 5 way selector switch.
I don't really have a musical preference; I have learned, over time, to
play a little of everything, from Country to Speed Metal. I did that
so that I could incorporate techniques from all genres into what I
write.
Having said that, my favourites are Progressive Rock (70's Yes,
early Genesis [when Gabriel was still around], and other bands
like Gentle Giant, Triumvirat, ELP, and so on. Camel is one of
my favourites), but I like to throw down on blues stuff as well.
I work with a lot of odd time signatures and 3/4 (waltz time) is
one of my favourites, along with 5/4 and 7/4. If you really want
to be a versatile player, learn all the modes and learn how to
play modal scales in odd metres. And get a metronome and use it
religiously! Metronomes are a great way to chart progress when
playing a difficult pice of music. And remember:
The cycle (or circle as some call it) of fifths is your best friend.
Lyrics? I'm going to have to disappoint you here, my friend; I have
not written lyrics in more than 10 years. The reason is that I do
not sing well. I have learned to let the guitar talk for me. I
took up bass, keyboards and drums over the years, too, so I could
play every part myself.
Manic? You bet. But what I do is my passion and I think that's
important, because I know a lot of people in the world who are far
more miserable than I and they have nothing and no one that they
are passionate about. Nothing affects them and they are just like
little blocks of wood walking around.
But writing songs and playing instruments (mostly guitar, of course)
has saved my neck a number of times. Yes, I do sometimes become so
far down in the pit that picking up a guitar just doesn't happen
for weeks on end, but I do eventually come back around to it and
then there is joy.
I will write out some lyrics from long ago sometime, but I have
other stuff I wish to accomplish as well. It's all therapy, right?
Thanks for listening and for the guitar question! 
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Creating Music As Therapy
