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Administrator
Administrator
15007 Posts
Gratitude: 3353
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 Posted - 05/26/2014 : 10:37:43
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HELPING OTHERS: YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE
Helping others (altruism) is often hotly debated; especially when it means helping others that haven't helped you, or helping others that you may dislike.
Could you spend a minute, and share your comments on this important social topic?
Synopsis: Helping OthersQuestions to ask yourself:- Kindness:
Are you a kind, considerate, loving person?
- Cooperation and Generosity:
Do you cooperate with others, and do a fair share of the work; unselfishly helping others?
- Humility:
Are you humble (not arrogant, boastful, or excessively proud)?
- Gratitude:
Do you thank and praise others?
- Forgiveness:
Do you forgive other peoples' mistakes (not bearing grudges or seeking revenge)?
- Trust:
Do you trust the loyalty and good intentions of your family and friends?
- Do you pay close attention to whoever is speaking to you?
- Do you smile when speaking to others?
- Do you speak in a friendly tone?
- Are you diplomatic so that you don't offend people?
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| Alienated
Starting Member
9 Posts
Gratitude: 15
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Posted - 05/26/2014 : 23:27:40
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Well can you explain or show me what successful living is today ? From what I see, I feel like Charlton Hesston on " Planet of the Apes"...
Nobody talks to anyone anymore and everything is controled by NON-THINKING BRUTES... And I was only in isolation 7 years... Right now I would say the secret to successful living... Stay away from the sociopaths... Now that's the real trick, they look human, but they aren't...
I have no interest in what society holds as successful living  .. I will pass, thank you very much. Sorry for the negativity, I watched the news earlier.
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| Administrator
Administrator
15007 Posts
Gratitude: 3353
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Posted - 05/27/2014 : 00:06:59
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Hi Alienated,
I agree that violence and injustice are everywhere. Just turn on the TV news.
However, some of the victims of such violence and injustice refuse to see themselves as "victims". They face their (often extreme) adversity with courage and determination.
Here is the story of a courageous woman that works out in my gym. In a fit of rage, her husband gouged out both of her eyes and then tried to maim her so that she couldn't walk.
Her recovery is an amazing example of successful living. Best of all, she's very dedicated to helping others.
(P.S. Talk about karma: her husband died in prison.)
Food for thought?
Phil Long MD
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| fleurette
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3400 Posts
Gratitude: 1264
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Posted - 08/16/2014 : 21:50:45
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Hi Dr. Long re: helping others.
I am like most people I help mostly my friends neighboors and family. I will open doors for strangers but in my town I do not reach out my hands to talk to strangers just a simple greeting when I see them.
It is not that I don't have the energy to help but sometimes when you help someone they ask for more help. And with strangers, I sometimes don't trust myself to know what is safe to help them with.
How do you suggest we could help strangers who haven't helped us and helping people that we dislike.
Is this a practice that you follow to a T?
Cheers,
fleurette |
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| Administrator
Administrator
15007 Posts
Gratitude: 3353
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Posted - 08/20/2014 : 08:16:56
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Hi Fleurette,
Helping strangers can take many forms:
- Greeting a sales clerk or grocery store checkout clerk by their name from their ID badge (e.g., "Hi Lily").
- Always thanking a store clerk at the end of a transaction (e.g., "Thank you, have a good day").
- Holding the door open for the next person behind you.
- (If you can periodically afford it) "paying forward" (the opposite of "paying back" a kindness) by anonymously paying for the next customer's coffee at Starbucks, or the next person's one hour parking ticket (this regularly happens to my daughter in Victoria where such behavior is catching on).
- Making pleasant small talk with other people at the gym (etc.) that you see regularly. This is a nice way of meeting new people that share the same activities that you enjoy. Remember to keep this talk positive (no complaining).
Things I suggest we shouldn't do with strangers:
- Don't ever give panhandlers money (since it just goes to support their alcohol/drug problem). However, do regularly give to charitable organizations.
- Don't invite a homeless person over to your home for a meal. If you want to give a stranger food, hand it to them on the street. In fact, never invite any stranger into your home. Make sure you get to know a person well before you invite them into your home.
- Don't lend strangers (or anyone) money. If a person needs money, and has a good credit rating, they can borrow from a bank. If their credit is so bad that they can't borrow from a bank, what makes you think they can repay you? Once you start lending money to people, they will look at you as their personal banker and ask for more. (I once lent a close friend $4000 which he forgot to repay. So 4 years later, I had to insist that he repay me - which he did without interest. My mother used to say: "Lend a friend money and you lose both". I'm still close friends with this person, but I have learned my lesson.)
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| fleurette
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3400 Posts
Gratitude: 1264
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Posted - 09/05/2014 : 08:39:08
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Thank you Dr. Long for these tips. Very useful information to have.
I was not aware of some of them until you pointed them to me.
Cheers,
fleurette |
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3117 Posts
Gratitude: 2892
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Posted - 09/06/2014 : 21:01:40
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| All are very good ideas I try to help others in what ways I can. Guess the doing a good deed is still with me and it makes me feel better when I do. |
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| Shaw88
Starting Member
33 Posts
Gratitude: 20
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Posted - 11/05/2014 : 19:17:04
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| I love helping my family and other people. I help them in anyways whenever they need it, but I must ask myself what reason they need it for to be sure that it does worth it. |
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| Jhenry
Starting Member
13 Posts
Gratitude: 9
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Posted - 01/30/2015 : 01:26:25
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| it's funny that everytime i help people i get to the point that i always forget myself. i mean, i give all my 100% for them, while for me its only around 50-60%. |
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| Wayne16
Starting Member
13 Posts
Gratitude: 21
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Posted - 03/24/2015 : 01:31:23
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| i always help those people who needs help. as long as i can. |
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| FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3712 Posts
Gratitude: 3064
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Posted - 05/06/2015 : 18:55:44
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Hi Dr. Long,
As a nurse, I often care for people that I don't always like, or perhaps it is just their behavior, and sometimes their politics that I don't like. But still, it is my job to do the best I can for them. The hardest people to care for are those who show prejudice towards certain people, or those who are just mean. Some nurses are less than kind with these people, and give them what for, but I treat them at the least, civilly, but they don't get my nicest, most personable self.
For strangers, I tend to hold doors open, elevator doors open, and often will say hello to neighbors, even though they don't say hello back. Growing up, neighbors often dropped by to visit, and always said hello, and kids played outside in each others yards and houses without a worry. It is not like that anymore, which is very sad.
My worst fault here, is my holding grudges. I don't seek revenge, but I don't forgive others for a long while. For example, it has been almost 3 years since my Dad died, and I am only recently letting go of the anger and grudge I have had toward my brother for not coming for Dad's memorial service. Although I have not made amends yet, I am soon to do so.
Good topic Dr. Long. Thanks!
---flmgirl
"What would Stiggy do?" He would just get off his butt and DO IT! |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 09/11/2016 : 14:16:10
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For many a year I have maintained that in helping others...
we go along way to helping ourselves.
Hence the reason I do what I do here and elsewhere in my life.
I find it most gratifying!
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 09/11/2016 : 14:22:22
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PS., I also find a wonderful antidote to the poor me's
which comes from naval gazing.
For there is always others worse off.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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