Psych Community
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headbop
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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 Posted - 08/31/2008 : 17:31:33
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ok.how bad is this..today, when I was feeling very frustrated at my husband, I basically banged my head a couple of times into an upright standING fan. The fan was turned OFF, but the protective cover came off after I hit it with my head. Than when he started yelling and I was yelling ,I took a bottle of scope and kept repeatedly MOCK STABBING MYSELF IN THE STOMACH with it. I was yelling somehting aobut how I wish I could just kill myself. I can't of course but I was getting pretty wacky so my husband slapped my face hard to get me to stop acting this way. Other times when I've been mad I've hit him, not long ago, tried to kind of choke him while driving. I wanted to jump out the moving car after that but I can't ever seem to actually go through with the really crazy ****. TodAY AFTER MY first hissy fit, i went into the woods, I saw my husband looking for me and hid in a muddy ravine so he couldn't find me. He mentioned if I kept threatening to off myself, he'd call the cops and have me locked up for my own protection. I almost wanted the cops to come and search for me. But no cops showed up of course. I lay in the muddy ravine thinking about how I would elude them (the cops chase) like I'm in some kind of a movie. Anyway, This is one of what's becoming a monthly or so argument pattern. It's been going on betwen my husband and I for a while now. we talk divorce and than make up. Now i think he really doees see no other option but divorce. I feel like it's a bad movie sometimes. Don't get me wrong i'm NOT always pissed off and depressed, I also have some really good moments throughtout my days. Usually when I'm with my horses. sometimes with my husband. I sound craazy as hell and and people who know me see this positive go-getter person(except for my husband who knows i'm also turning into a wackjob.
so... what now?
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 09/01/2008 : 05:49:47
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Friendship is the greatest gift of all ... me thinks!
Wow I hope and pray you don't harm yourself severely in such ragea.
May I take this opportunity to welcome you aboard the good ship Hope as I endearing cal My Therapy.
I think it is good th have these boards to share with other like minded folk our life experiences.It may not solve our difficult issues but it sure makes them ore manageable, in my opinion.
I trust you may get to like it here!
Yours in community friendship, David
The chances are, if we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got! |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 9217
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Posted - 09/01/2008 : 16:17:11
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MMMMM HORSES !
Don't mind me Bop, I'm a dye hard horse person.
Do these attacks happen around PMS?
and, you ARE aware of what you are doing, right?
Do you ever feel as though you may lose control?
Are you acting out more for attention, than self harm?
One part of me finds you antics comical. (since I have a drama queen sence of humour)
But, if you are feeling on the verge of actually doing harm, it might be time for a wee check up.
Do you have children?
I assume you are young, (I used to be young) (and did alot of stunts for attention)
Well, what do you figure Bop, do you think seeing a Doc would be a good thing?
I hate to ask, but, are you using any drugs, at the moment?
Alcohol and drugs can cause us to go into Drama Queen mode.
I say that with respect BTW.
Keep in touch please,
Going to a lock up, isn't much fun.
We are here for YOU !
Lynn, aka Old Bop. (grin) |
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| firebird
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1555 Posts
Gratitude: 584
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Posted - 09/02/2008 : 10:10:43
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Hi Headbop. What now?. I could imaging you will lose your husband thru divorce or you will end up in the psych hospital for acting crazy or both. Sad thing is, you don't seem to realize how badly you need to get some help, seeming to minimize it. From what you say, you appear to be in a destructive episode of bi-polar mania. You need to get some professional help now. Left untreated your life will get more and more chaotic (there is no maybe) and your relationships will be damaged, sometimes permanently because there is only so much loved ones can take. So many people end up in divorce during mania, only to cry about it later. If you want to destroy everything you have, carry on as you are, if not wake up and get some help from your doctor. I feel sorry for you. I very nearly lost the love of my life this way. When every thing crashes, like it eventually will, you will be fragile and in need of support and then no one will be around because you will of scared them all away. Please get some psychiatric help before its too late.
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