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AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
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 Posted - 10/26/2016 : 07:41:41
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so much anger.
so much sadness.
a little part in the corner of my brain snapping slowly. Feels like i'm sinking into a very dark pit and the light disappears again.
I should have anticipated and prepared better for this. But the immediate panic in my chest and fear i am fighting quietly in my seat at the office is burning.
thoughts of hurting myself reoccur. I've been purging food I eat because the idea of eating makes me feel anxious beyond. I ran so far and hard at gym today to try and feel better but instead it sent me into a spiral.
right now i'm fighting everything inside myself to just keep myself safe from myself.
it hasn't been this bad in so long and that itself makes me angry. I'm beyond peeved off at myself because i should have known better. and now what. should i be surprised? obviously not. bitter yes. surprise no.
I'm sick and tired of being everyone's rock. I'm tired of being there for everyone all the bloody time. I'm tired of not getting the same level of passion love and attention back. I'm tired of being so intense. I'm tired of having to perform the whole time at work and being paid a pathetic salary (yes i've challenged it already and now trying to write a motivation as to WHY i deserve a better income. for godssake i program three banks and yet the bloody P.A gets more than I do) I haven't had leave in 14 months. because i can't bloody afford it.
I am burned out.  |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2060 Posts
Gratitude: 927
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Posted - 10/26/2016 : 15:37:45
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At least you can express your feelings well. I read what you had to say.
Jayster |
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
7717 Posts
Gratitude: 4597
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Posted - 10/26/2016 : 15:59:04
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Hi Charne,
Is there a possibility you can put in for a raise?
Yes you always seem to be somebody's rock. I would suggest to take a break from everyone and concentrate on you. You need a mental break from it all. Nip it in the bud now before things get out of hand. It's good that you have the insight to detect when your mental health starts going downward.
I hope you get to feeling better soon. |
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| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
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Posted - 10/27/2016 : 00:30:36
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Hi thank you for the feedback
I am going to write a motivational letter for a raise with the help of my team lead.
i went to bed early last night as it was a very bad day for me mentally.
today is a new day. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 10/27/2016 : 14:12:33
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I only wish I knew the solution...
to the mental anguish you are
currently going through other than
seeking professional input
that hopefully may prove helpful in alleviating
such dire thoughts Charne!
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 10/27/2016 : 16:56:25
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PS., which if not dealt with
might only serve to compound your
mental health issues further.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
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Posted - 10/31/2016 : 02:34:13
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been rather manic as of late. very little sleep. I think a total of 9 hours since Thursday.
I am under severe pressure at work.
Relationship is wonky.
I don't know. I need to do something.
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| Medicated
Super Member (250+ posts)
953 Posts
Gratitude: 847
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Posted - 10/31/2016 : 03:23:13
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AquaticSoul,
My practical advice is to take some medication.
On a personal note, I am becoming more and more agitated and angered in general with random events.
I'm writing really mean lyrics that I eventually want to unleash on youtube to unveil my displeasure at my unpleasant psychiatric experience.
9 hours only since Thursday? That is out of the norm... I sleep minimum 9 hours a day sometimes.
-Medicated
(\_/)
=(^.^)=
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Fighting your head
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