| Author |
 Topic  |
| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2060 Posts
Gratitude: 927
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 Posted - 10/06/2016 : 11:50:01
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Is it heart break to partner with an active addict. Sorry.
Jayster |
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| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
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Posted - 10/07/2016 : 00:27:15
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Thank you Herc and Jay for the feedback
Yes it was his brother that drink with him (that was a recovering alcholic too)
I haven't heard from him for a day now. I tried calling last night but no answer. I only sent one message saying I hope you're ok..he read it but no response.
I was there on Wednesday night and he gave me a perfume as a gift and wrote a beautiful message on the card but now I am confused and left in the dark.
So i'm pulling back now.
1 month and a week down the line. After spending 6 days out of a week with him non stop for a month and a week. Radio silence.
This is ridiculous and incredibly painful.
Just feeling particularly lost now. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
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Posted - 10/07/2016 : 17:06:16
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Hi again Charne
I am not in a position to say what may or may not happen
as time goes by ...
for you've have not reached such a
decision yet... As far as I'm aware.
However, I would at this point in time,
suggest something along the
lines of NOT issuing an ultimatum
such as you have a choice, it's me or the drink...
that does not work with someone with alcoholic tendencies.
For most alcoholics in my view look for an excuse to further imbibe.
It is their way of justifying their continued indulgence.
Unless of course you are looking for a way out?
Not so, if you are still unsure as to whether you want to go
further with this relationship,
by that I mean hoping to salvage same for the better,D.x
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
|
Posted - 10/07/2016 : 17:44:46
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PS., Something I forgot to mention Charne
I think you wise to continue with
the likes of you fitness regime and other stuff.
It is important, more than that, essential
to try and lead as normal a life as possible
by having having a distraction
from the heartache you are currently experiencing.
Heres trusting all will turn out in the end!
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2060 Posts
Gratitude: 927
|
Posted - 10/08/2016 : 17:15:11
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I agree that if one gives an ultimatum, be prepared to follow through.
Jayster |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
|
Posted - 10/09/2016 : 14:27:42
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...I think the above quote appropriate at this time
going by what you have shared with us thus far Charne...
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
|
Posted - 10/10/2016 : 06:12:53
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hello
i thought i was trying to play it cool.
5 days later. he doesnt answer my calls or texts. (I only try phoning once a day and perhaps a text in the morning or evening)
but there is no courtesy.
he bought me a bloody stupid perfume out of guilt I could smash it right now. 6 weeks of hurricane and now he disappears.
the pain is incredible and I don't know what i did wrong to deserve this. I've been kind and supportive and everywhere in between. I only had one argument once because he wanted to lock me in his house because he drank and wanted to go to a casino to gamble. I mean really. I insisted that he took me home.
i'm foolish. silly. naive.
i wrote a song last night on piano and actually finished the lyrics. I sent it to him. he only responded to that at 2am this morning saying he feels me with two hearts and grazie bella. and that was it.
how can someone throw a person away?
why do i keep choosing to love people that throw me away?
he pre empted all of this. he made the promises. he said i must love with an open heart and take the risks.
HE STARTED IT. I TOOK THE DAMN RISK.
he threw me away anyway.
i'm thrown away anyway.
It makes me feel worthless.
I haven't been able to eat for 3 days now. I manage a mouthful and then I start feeling sick. I went to gym today and finished and came back to office. I'm struggling with trying to keep him out of my head. I can't even listen to music.
love does not conquer all.
 |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2060 Posts
Gratitude: 927
|
Posted - 10/10/2016 : 09:19:21
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Dear Charne,
It is not about you; it is about his addictions!
Jayster |
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| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
|
Posted - 10/10/2016 : 09:21:40
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Just an after note...
(I would never give someone an ultimatum).
He called me an hour ago. My heart was racing, not in a good way, more in a panicky way.
The initial voice tone was a bit harsh. The more he spoke, the softer it got.
I think he'd been drinking. I don't know anymore though, I stopped trying to figure it out.
I got annoyed when I mentioned that I barely heard from him and I was concerned, because he said I was making him feel guilty.
I somehow after a 25minute conversation finished work. it's 6pm. 11 hours later. I need to go home. I don't know what I am feeling anymore.
How could I have thought there was a forever when I was sold lies... I don't know what was real anymore. I'm going home to play piano and sleep so that I can get up and come back to work and just work again throughout the whole day to make it through again until the worst of the intensity of my feelings subside. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
|
Posted - 10/10/2016 : 18:01:01
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I got to thinking
when was the last time
you saw each other Charne?
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
|
| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
|
Posted - 10/10/2016 : 22:42:55
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Wednesday night/Thursday morning (when he proceeded to sleep in the lounge instead of the bed which said it all)
But even with the chat we had last night.. so he phoned me again this morning...but he didn't sleep... (we can only guess why and how)
My anxiety is now through the roof. I can't do this instability.
and Jay you're right - it's about his addictions and not me, but due to my past rejections and my integrity, it's hard to just not feel like I failed
I need to focus on work today. |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2060 Posts
Gratitude: 927
|
Posted - 10/11/2016 : 05:59:45
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Feelings are not facts. For example, I can have someone sit in my kitchen and say , "I don't feel welcome here," when in fact he is welcome. Or, the other way around.
Most people drink in an attempt to feel better. It is not a bad motive, really.
His behavior is about his addictions, but your feelings are about you!
My gal is upset. Her youngest son promised he would never drink again, but he has been drinking, and his behavior is awful. She feels like it is her fault he drank. If she had only left his father earlier, the son wouldn't have had the example of all his father's bad drinking. I'm sorry, but the son is not drinking to make her feel bad. He is just trying to take care of himself.
When my gal's son's recent bad behavior around drinking was discovered, she chose to over eat, which is one of her downfalls. She wants him to go to AA, but she doesn't want to go to Al Anon. The family wants me to rescue the son, but they poison my interaction with him. I'm trying not to feel bad, really. But I do see dollar signs rolling in my eyes. Money is being spent foolishly, I feel. Other people are trying to get me to do what they want . . .
J.
Jayster |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
|
Posted - 10/11/2016 : 15:12:42
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Dearest Charne,
I am indeed sorry to learn of the
current impasse in your relationship
with X.
I fervently trust as time passes significant
improvement will be made, hopefully
sooner rather than later.
It should go without saying but I am
saying it anyway...
How far you allow this current situation
to continue
is for you and no one else to determine...
when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Yours as ever, in positive mode, David x
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
|
| AquaticSoul
Super Member (250+ posts)
816 Posts
Gratitude: 977
|
Posted - 10/11/2016 : 22:01:15
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All I can do is push through each day.
one week since I last saw him. I miss him |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
86214 Posts
Gratitude: 31682
|
Posted - 10/12/2016 : 16:30:30
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Here's hoping such a difficult situation
can be salvaged...
for Both your sakes!
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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Topic |
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LOVE
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